Suatu Malam Ketika Hujan di Bulan Juni

Yang lebih tabah dari hujan bulan Juni
adalah
gadis pencinta
yang tak pernah tahu
bahwa ada yang merindunya
karena
tak seperti perindu lainnya
pria itu tak pernah mencarinya…

Sebuah balasan untuk puisi Sapardi Djoko Damono, “Hujan Bulan Juni” dan Khrisna Pabichara, “Suatu Malam Ketika Aku Merindumu”


Hujan Bulan Juni
Sapardi Djoko Damono

tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu

tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu

Suatu Malam ketika Aku Merindumu
Khrisna Pabichara

Tak seperti perindu lainnya
aku takkan mencarimu
Karena kamu telah kutemukan
di hatiku,
tempat yang sarat hanya
olehmu

On the Reasons for Love

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“Do I love you because you’re beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?” — Prince Charming in Cinderella, the Musical

It seems like an innocent question, something everyone asks whenever you say that you love someone/them.

“Why do you love him/her?”

“Why do you love me?”

“Why?”

Like there should be a logical, systematical answer. The answer should make sense, otherwise they question your statement of love.Because we’re told there’s a reason behind everything, and there are standards to what sort of person you could/should love.

The truth is, however, that when you are able to answer this question immediately (usually with a list of good traits) then that is not love.

No, you do not love someone because they’re beautiful, or smart, or funny, or kind, and you do not love someone because they understand you or because they always say the right things. You do not love someone for these reasons because beauty fades, the greatest minds will fail, some days people are sad and gloomy, there will be a time when they are unkind, they will misunderstand something you do, and you will argue.

When you truly love someone, you should not be able to answer why. Reasons are for liking people, for tolerating them, not for loving them.

When you truly love someone, you just do.

And when they fail to meet your standards, when you see the dusty corners of their souls and realize they’re nowhere near perfect — just like you are — you love them anyway, if not even more than before.

(Originally posted on Medium)

On Finding the One

I’m a hopeless romantic. This is an established fact. As such, I have always (ALWAYS) believed that you are meant to find that one person you’re supposed to be with. And yes, I do believe there is such thing as love at first sight. Obviously there are others who think the same way. Like Iain S. Thomas.

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Now, if you know me long enough or well enough, you’ll know that as a result of being hopelessly romantic, I have also been hopelessly in love many many times before. I have thought that I’ve found the one — perhaps twice, maybe more — but obviously they weren’t. Here’s a little secret though: every now and then I think of the people I once loved and those who once loved me back and I realize they’re still there. The memories linger, there’s pain and sadness, and a lot of sweetness, and they’re all part of who I am today.

So maybe it is possible to find that one person… more than once in a lifetime. Maybe there’s someone you need to find for a particular period in time, perhaps to teach you a lesson, perhaps you needed that person at that time, perhaps they needed you instead. And then eventually you’ll find the person who would teach you lessons for the rest of your life.

How do you know if the person you just found is the one you’re going to spend the rest of your life with? Well, you don’t. But you will know that you found someone. You will know that this is the person you need to be with at the moment. Your soul will look at that person and see that they’re a missing piece of your puzzle.

It makes sense, even if it defies all logic. Even if you claim your heart skipped a beat when you first heard their name and you were overwhelmed with giddy emotions when you saw them on twitter and you were dumbfounded when you saw him and you acted completely awkward when they talked to you.

When you find this person, things will happen. You eventually have conversations. You see each other again. You feel comfortable in each others company. You realize you can talk forever with this person, about whatever you like. You could also just sit in silence and it wouldn’t be awkward.

You would miss them, you would kiss them. The first kiss might not be the best kiss ever but it was perfect nevertheless. You would want to kiss them over and over again. All over, no matter where, but you hold back as a matter of decency, or just to see if they would kiss you back instead.

You would want to know everything about them, you would want to know what they’re doing, where and with whom (when they’re not with you), and they wouldn’t mind answering. You would say I love you because your heart wants to scream it out loud, and they would say “I love you, too!”

It would be a lie to say that things will be happy and glowing all the time. You will argue, you will go through rough times, you will think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and realize nothing has ever been more right. You’ll whisper a prayer whenever you can, you thank God that you’ve found them.

And you go on on that journey with the person you found. Seconds, minutes, hours, days. If this person is the one you’re meant to be with until the end of your time, then this person will be there. By your side, even when you can’t be physically together.

Home is where your heart is

Greetings from the hot, humid, crowded city of Jakarta! Yes, that’s right, I have left Geneva, Switzerland, and returned. Here’s the shocking part: unlike what I had imagined before, I’m not devastatingly missing Geneva!

Preparing to leave was a crazy ordeal. Not only did I have a gazillion things to sift trough and narrow down to roughly 40kgs, it was still business as usual (if not busier) at work the last week I was there, and oh, the many friends I had to say proper goodbyes to! I was a ball of messy emotions ready to explode at any time. Strangely enough, the explosion never happened. At least not in full repeated blasts that I had expected it to be.

I cried (or tried really hard to not cry) the following instances during my last week:

  1. In my room when I realized I still have another box to go through and a full suitcase after hours and hours of “packing”.
  2. When the choir director/music minister prayed for me at my last choir practice.
  3. During the blessing given to me by the pastor and members of the congregation on my last Sunday in Geneva.
  4. Saying goodbye to Daphne and her husband as they had to leave Geneva for a family emergency a few days before I leave.
  5. Listening to the meditation one of my colleagues prepared on the Wednesday of my office farewell lunch.
  6. In the hallway walking out of the office on my last day at work.
  7. At the airport after check-in (where the clerk let me pass with 3kgs extra luggage and 2 cabin bags), walking towards airport security and it finally sinked in that I am really really leaving.

Only seven times! Not bad, huh? Okay, to be fair, I might have forgotten one or two, but still. I didn’t even cry on the plane nor after landing nor in the days after that. And I wondered about that. After all, I was even hesitating about telling people that I’m going home because in many ways Geneva was home to me. So what happened?

The only thing that comes to mind is a request in the prayer my Genevan pastor said. It was a request for peace in my heart, and I believe the prayer was fulfilled.

Now, here’s a thought about the almost overused phrase “home is where your heart is”. Once you have peace, you realize your heart is with you at all times (without peace it’s easy to lose sight of your heart). Therefore, home is wherever you are.

I have peace in my heart. I’m home.

PS: This is not to say that I don’t miss my friends in Geneva or some things about Geneva. It is however saying that I’m not crying my heart out over that feeling of missing someone/something.

The Antigel Experience — First week recap

It started with me, as usual, spotting a poster while on the bus. Geneva is the sort of city where event posters are all over the place, and I mean that in a good way. Long story short, I discovered the Antigel Festival. It is an art/dance/music/sport/all-of-the-above festival that prides itself in “the unexpected” and “unusual places”. I got the festival pass (thereby fulfilling one of the things on my bucket list — attending a festival with a pass), and soon enough had a booking for almost every day. Here’s a review of the things I went to in the past week.

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Sunday, 27.01, The Labyrinth
The event took place at the TPG depot, among the buses that were parked in such a way that they form a nice little big labyrinth, and as you walk, you’ll find stages with performances. Concept: super cool. Execution: I got annoyed by the fact that I kept running into empty stages because I was walking at a different pace than others were. Plus the shows weren’t really that impressive, at least not to me. And I’m still wondering how many kids got lost.

Monday, 28.01, Xavier Le Roy’s Low Pieces
I was at lost for words after this performance. It was different, perhaps somewhat strange, and yet at the same time also calming and beautiful. The sensation of darkness caving in on you, and yet somehow you feel safe. The fact that the dancers were completely nude was just not part of the equation. It was, as they said, simply a costume.

Thursday, 31.01, Emily Wells/Vena Ward/Selva Nuda
I went to this one because a friend of mine was a fan of Emily Wells. The two opening acts were okay-ish, not my cup of tea but they weren’t horrible either. Emily Wells, however, was über amazing! The songs aren’t what I usually like and listening to them on youtube was just a bit on the “meh” side but seeing her perform them live was just mindblowing as she does everything — including creating the loops.

Saturday, 02.02, Sous-Moulin in Orbit
Quite possibly the one show that I thoroughly enjoyed, as well as the most “antigel” one of them all. Antigel is after all, about being different and unusual, yet in a creative and inspiring way. An orchestra performing in the middle of a tennis court, an acrobatic dance on the cyr wheel, some mulled wine and a choreography between figure skaters, ice hockey players and the zamboni? Perfect.

Sunday, 03.02, Autour de l’orgue de cinéma
The strangest show I’ve been to so far, I still don’t think I have quite recovered from the overdose of weird, disturbing sounds, lights and imagery yet. Still a week of the festival to go though, so maybe I’ll get over it.