staying home and contemplating…

I woke up at half past ten this morning, and it took me about five minutes to actually realize how late it was. The day then continued to be a lazy day. I did not go out of the apartment at all, and was only out of the bed to take a nice long bath and to have breakfast/lunch/dinner which was basically one meal.

I had three things (three?) on my to do list for the day: 1. finish writing the Sunday School curriculum, 2. prepare the prayers for Monday morning worship… and 3. umm, come to a decision of whether or not I would like to and can stay for another four months here in Geneva (provided the cantonal officers decide to be gracious). This third point is ridiculous, in fact, because I know the resounding answer is yes. What I was thinking about, however, and what took most of my time, was thinking and rethinking all the possible scenarios of things I’d like to do, I’d have to do and I’d likely be doing.

Having spent hours on this subject, with the documents for the Sunday School curriculum open, I decided it’s high time to start working on it, so I tried… but it’s been quite a while and I just blanked out and got REALLY frustrated. I say really frustrated cause it got my thoughts spinning like crazy going all the way to “but what if the world ends in December 2012?” Don’t ask how that happened cause I have no clue!

Anyway, here’s the thing. I have drifted away quite far from my theology/ministry background, gotten unused to reading, reflecting, contemplating, writing, connecting, delivering. I have also somehow managed to slipped away from the emotional balance I had regained when I first came to Switzerland. I can elaborate more on why now cause I’ve contemplated this as well, but it might merit a separate post. Needless to say, the last few days I’ve been an emotional mess… but at this point right now, I’m ready to say that I’m okay… and I’m ready to re-start in order to move forward.

Quite randomly I found this song on a friend’s blog that I haven’t visited in a long, long while, and while it might not be directly related, I do feel like this song is speaking to me in a way, almost like it’s a sign. I’ll keep the details to myself for now though 🙂

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbYn8dZOS-4]

Smiling but you’re broken, hurting barely coping
Out there waiting, hoping
For someone, somewhere
To tell you what you’re missing
So you can get to living
You feel way beyond forgiven
You’ve tried everything
You’re not too far away
You can’t fall too far to save
Sounds unbelievable, but you’re not unreachable
Just take the hand of grace
Your sins have been replaced
By something beautiful, you’re not unreachable
Let mercy pull you closer, your fight is finally over
Stop running, where you going
Give into love
No need for resistance, this time it will be different
Love will go the distance
Wherever you are
You’re not too far away
You can’t fall too far to save
Sounds unbelievable, but you’re not unreachable
Just take the hand of grace
Your sins have been replaced
By something beautiful, you’re not unreachable
You’ve been waiting to be rescued from your shame
But He was there, before you called His name
You’re not too far away
You can’t fall too far to save
Sounds unbelievable, but you’re not unreachable
Just take the hand of grace
Your sins have been replaced
By something beautiful, you’re not unreachable
You’re not unreachable, you’re not unreachable

Il est trop tard (the narrative) — 48

Que no has conocido a nadie que te bese como yo, que no hay otro hombre en tu vida, que de ti se beneficie… depende.* — Depende, Jarabe de Palo

“Should we head home?”
“Why?”
“Why?? Because we’re soaking wet and the wind is blowing and we might get sick otherwise.”
“Ah. Good point. Can I get just one more kiss?”
“You can get a thousand more once we’re home.”

But he gave her another kiss right there and then anyway.

That you have not known anyone who would kiss you like I did, that there is no other man in your life who is rich from being with you… it depends.

Il est trop tard (the narrative) — 47

J’avoue j’en ai bave pas vous, mon amour, avant d’avoir eu vent de vous, mon amour. Ne vous deplaise, en dansant la Javanaise, nous nous aimions le temps d’une chanson.* — La Javanaise, Serge Gainsbourg

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music,” the quote by Nietzsche came to Aimee’s mind as she saw the facial expression of most people who were rushing down the street, trying to get wherever they were heading quickly as the rain poured and the wind blew. They were dancing, she and Thomas, to the same music, despite the fact that the only sound to be heard was the pouring rain. He smiled at her, twirled her, and caught her in his embrace. They kissed, the rain disappeared, the wind disappeared, the people disappeared. They kissed some more.

*I admit I went through hell, didn’t you my love? Before I met you, my love. Whether it pleases your or not, while dancing the Javanaise,
we loved each other for the length of a song.

Il est trop tard (the narrative) — 46

Slow down, you crazy child, and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile. It’s all right, you can afford to lose a day or two. When will you realize, Vienna waits for you? — Vienna, Billy Joel

“OH!”
“What? What happened? Are you okay?”
“I just realized I forgot my phone…”
“So? Is there something important you’re waiting for?”
“Well…”
“What could possibly be more important than spending time with me?”
“Do you really want me to answer that question?”
“Of course not. Nothing is more important than that.”

Il est trop tard (the narrative) — 45

I once loved a woman, a child I’m told. I give her my heart but she wanted my soul, but don’t think twice, it’s all right. — Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright, Bob Dylan

Dave stared at his phone again, reading the message from Aimee for the tenth or so time this morning. He hits the reply button and starts typing.

“I love you, Aimee…”

Clear text.

He wonders what Aimee is doing right now.

You know you haven’t been blogging for too long when…

You can’t remember what your password is. On the bright side of things though, I got it right on the first guess, so maybe it hasn’t been THAT long after all. This blog is getting very much neglected though, that much I can say. But seriously, who finds the time to blog in between work, sleep and play?? It’s odd actually, when you look at these blogs that tell you to live your life, etc. and yet they are somehow able to write something while doing that. I mean, it’s just NOT possible. I hardly even have time to write in my diary! Well, to write something meaningful and reflective, that is. Of course I manage to write the crappy “this is what happened today” things. ANYWAY, yes, this is just me doing random babbles. Just checking in to say that I’m indeed still alive, and still living my life of being twenty seven — although it has just dawned on me that I’ll be 28 in just 3 months. Now that’s scary.

Loving you…

“That’s because you’re madly in love with him!” he said for the third or fourth time in the last three hours we spent together.

I smacked his arm with the book I had in my hand. “I’m not,” I said, “at least not anymore… or at least I don’t think I am. I don’t know, it’s just different…”

“Different how?” he asked.

“Well, I don’t know… like, I don’t feel attracted to him physically… well, I wouldn’t mind kissing him, but that’s it… and yet… Gosh, I don’t know.”

“Physical attractions are common, but a mental connection is rare.” — Unknown

Maybe I am madly in love with you, on a deeper level than infatuation, a level where there’s no such thing as lust, but only love. The kind of love that makes me want to spend every possible moment with you, just to be, and nothing more. The kind of love that makes me worry about you, care about you, wanting to make sure everything is right in your life. The kind of love that makes it possible to have a conversation by simply looking into each others eyes and knowing exactly what the other wants to say. The kind of love that… is just the way I feel about you.

Happy birthday, Dad!

Dear Dad,

I don’t know much about you, and I don’t remember much either. After all, the last time I saw you I was only two. Truth be told, I miss you, and I wish I was able to meet you again, but of course that’s not possible since you are no longer in this world. If you were, however, today would’ve been your 67th birthday, so: happy birthday, Dad!

I still have the teddy bear that you gave for my birth, so aptly named Teddy. He and his bunny friend Hawe will both be turning 28 this year, just like me! I think I still have a birthday card or two that was from you, and of course there’s is that Janosch book. The story of the little tiger who got ill and the little bear trying to help him get well. On the first page you wrote down “for Aiko, may she never be ill” or something like that, sorry Dad, I don’t have it memorized yet. These things however are my treasures, along with the few photos I have of me and you.

But what is more important than all that is that half of me as a human being originated from you, and I must say I’m so glad it did. Thank you, Dad, for loving my mother, and for loving me.

GIT 2012 — a review

Sometime in February, I think, I found out that I was certainly going to be in Yogyakarta in June for the Global Institute of Theology (GIT). To be blatantly honest, I didn’t like that decision all that much. After all, it meant yet another month away from Geneva, from Europe… and to be in Indonesia, my own country, of all places! Uh-huh, not so cool. The thought of being part of another GIT, however, was quite a consolation, after all, the GIT means the world to me. I had a wonderful, wonderful experience as a participant at the 2010 GIT in the United States, and it was through this event that I came to know the WCRC and eventually got the internship! So yes, it was bitter-sweet, but nevertheless, on June 1st I boarded the plane to Jakarta, and on the 5th of June I was in Yogyakarta.

That was three weeks ago, and the GIT is about to come to an end. In fact, today was the last day of lectures, tomorrow is a free day (people are planning to go to the beach) and Saturday evening we will have a closing ceremony/talent show event before departing on Sunday.

The GIT 2012 experience has been bitter-sweet as well. I can tell you that being “on the other side” of the GIT is an interesting challenge. It meant a lot of work, going to bed late and waking up early, running around and shouting out announcements, dealing with about a thousand questions from the mundane (“what time is dinner?”) to the difficult (“would it be possible to…?”) and the plain crazy (“where can I get a wooden teddy bear?”), chasing people on and off the bus, and everything in between. The first week in particular was very hard, then things started to be a little better and I was able to mingle and hang out with the students more. One thing that I did try hard to do from the very beginning was to take part in all the worship services. I did eventually miss one particular service on one particular night where I was just super tired and something went wrong and I broke down, wailing in my room.

Being “on the other side” of course mean that I don’t get to form the bond that we had between participants in 2010, but it gave me the opportunity to be more of an observer… and I have to say watching a group of people from 22 different countries interact with each other is quite a show!

How does this GIT compare to my GIT? Personally, of course, I think the 2010 GIT was in quite a few aspects better than this year, but saying that would be unfair. After all, no two groups of people could be the same, and at the end of the day I’m sure that this GIT means as much for the participants as it did to the 2010 participants, and in fact this GIT means a lot to me too, in a different way than the 2010 one, but nevertheless still in a very good way. Sharing three weeks with people from all over the world, each with their own background, their own stories, and their own quirks and habits can only be positive in the end, that moment when you realize that you now know a whole lot more about the world than you did before, that you now have people to call your friends in many more countries than you know before, but most of all when you realize that even with all our differences, we could nevertheless be united.

Geneva, Day 2/10

What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfil? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write? — One Week (2008)

While I don’t know the answer to the above question, I have 10 days to spend in Geneva before I have to go back to Indonesia again for a month (on duty again, mind you!) and I know exactly how I want to spend those days: hanging out with my super awesome friends!

And so yesterday (aka day 2/10), we decided to get together for a communal dinner followed by watching the first semi-final of Eurovision 2012 together at N’s place. I arrived early (of course) with most of the content of my fridge with me. Had a nice chat with N despite the fact that he was incoherent cause he was preparing soup for dinner.

Soon enough, T came knocking on the door with a tray full of the cutest cocktail ever which she had prepared, and as we were grabbing stuff to complete the preparation, M arrived. He had brought some appetizer which was oh-so-good. We had that, then the soup and then it was time for Eurovision. C came to join us sometime in between.

We made a list of the countries we think would be in the finals and were actually pretty good at it, except that Albania got in instead of Switzerland!! That was a disappointment. Personally I thought that Sinplus, the Swiss representative, was better than about half of the people who are in the finals… but I loved the fact that the Russian grannies are in the finals! 🙂