staying home and contemplating…

I woke up at half past ten this morning, and it took me about five minutes to actually realize how late it was. The day then continued to be a lazy day. I did not go out of the apartment at all, and was only out of the bed to take a nice long bath and to have breakfast/lunch/dinner which was basically one meal.

I had three things (three?) on my to do list for the day: 1. finish writing the Sunday School curriculum, 2. prepare the prayers for Monday morning worship… and 3. umm, come to a decision of whether or not I would like to and can stay for another four months here in Geneva (provided the cantonal officers decide to be gracious). This third point is ridiculous, in fact, because I know the resounding answer is yes. What I was thinking about, however, and what took most of my time, was thinking and rethinking all the possible scenarios of things I’d like to do, I’d have to do and I’d likely be doing.

Having spent hours on this subject, with the documents for the Sunday School curriculum open, I decided it’s high time to start working on it, so I tried… but it’s been quite a while and I just blanked out and got REALLY frustrated. I say really frustrated cause it got my thoughts spinning like crazy going all the way to “but what if the world ends in December 2012?” Don’t ask how that happened cause I have no clue!

Anyway, here’s the thing. I have drifted away quite far from my theology/ministry background, gotten unused to reading, reflecting, contemplating, writing, connecting, delivering. I have also somehow managed to slipped away from the emotional balance I had regained when I first came to Switzerland. I can elaborate more on why now cause I’ve contemplated this as well, but it might merit a separate post. Needless to say, the last few days I’ve been an emotional mess… but at this point right now, I’m ready to say that I’m okay… and I’m ready to re-start in order to move forward.

Quite randomly I found this song on a friend’s blog that I haven’t visited in a long, long while, and while it might not be directly related, I do feel like this song is speaking to me in a way, almost like it’s a sign. I’ll keep the details to myself for now though 🙂

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbYn8dZOS-4]

Smiling but you’re broken, hurting barely coping
Out there waiting, hoping
For someone, somewhere
To tell you what you’re missing
So you can get to living
You feel way beyond forgiven
You’ve tried everything
You’re not too far away
You can’t fall too far to save
Sounds unbelievable, but you’re not unreachable
Just take the hand of grace
Your sins have been replaced
By something beautiful, you’re not unreachable
Let mercy pull you closer, your fight is finally over
Stop running, where you going
Give into love
No need for resistance, this time it will be different
Love will go the distance
Wherever you are
You’re not too far away
You can’t fall too far to save
Sounds unbelievable, but you’re not unreachable
Just take the hand of grace
Your sins have been replaced
By something beautiful, you’re not unreachable
You’ve been waiting to be rescued from your shame
But He was there, before you called His name
You’re not too far away
You can’t fall too far to save
Sounds unbelievable, but you’re not unreachable
Just take the hand of grace
Your sins have been replaced
By something beautiful, you’re not unreachable
You’re not unreachable, you’re not unreachable

Il est trop tard (the narrative) — 48

Que no has conocido a nadie que te bese como yo, que no hay otro hombre en tu vida, que de ti se beneficie… depende.* — Depende, Jarabe de Palo

“Should we head home?”
“Why?”
“Why?? Because we’re soaking wet and the wind is blowing and we might get sick otherwise.”
“Ah. Good point. Can I get just one more kiss?”
“You can get a thousand more once we’re home.”

But he gave her another kiss right there and then anyway.

That you have not known anyone who would kiss you like I did, that there is no other man in your life who is rich from being with you… it depends.

Il est trop tard (the narrative) — 47

J’avoue j’en ai bave pas vous, mon amour, avant d’avoir eu vent de vous, mon amour. Ne vous deplaise, en dansant la Javanaise, nous nous aimions le temps d’une chanson.* — La Javanaise, Serge Gainsbourg

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music,” the quote by Nietzsche came to Aimee’s mind as she saw the facial expression of most people who were rushing down the street, trying to get wherever they were heading quickly as the rain poured and the wind blew. They were dancing, she and Thomas, to the same music, despite the fact that the only sound to be heard was the pouring rain. He smiled at her, twirled her, and caught her in his embrace. They kissed, the rain disappeared, the wind disappeared, the people disappeared. They kissed some more.

*I admit I went through hell, didn’t you my love? Before I met you, my love. Whether it pleases your or not, while dancing the Javanaise,
we loved each other for the length of a song.

Il est trop tard (the narrative) — 46

Slow down, you crazy child, and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile. It’s all right, you can afford to lose a day or two. When will you realize, Vienna waits for you? — Vienna, Billy Joel

“OH!”
“What? What happened? Are you okay?”
“I just realized I forgot my phone…”
“So? Is there something important you’re waiting for?”
“Well…”
“What could possibly be more important than spending time with me?”
“Do you really want me to answer that question?”
“Of course not. Nothing is more important than that.”

Il est trop tard (the narrative) — 45

I once loved a woman, a child I’m told. I give her my heart but she wanted my soul, but don’t think twice, it’s all right. — Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright, Bob Dylan

Dave stared at his phone again, reading the message from Aimee for the tenth or so time this morning. He hits the reply button and starts typing.

“I love you, Aimee…”

Clear text.

He wonders what Aimee is doing right now.